[DAY 97 OF THE DEEP END PROJECT]
When I was brand new to the Metaphysical, Spiritual World, whenever I wanted something, I always asked for a sign.
I’d say “show me a woodpecker if this is meant for me or if I am supposed to do this, have me find a penny.” I asked and I asked. It never worked. Or even if I did see a woodpecker, or rather I forced myself to find a woodpecker, I would never get the actual thing.
Then, I’d lose my trust a little and get frustrated. I would start to doubt The Universe or Infinite Intelligence. I started questioning if The Universe really had my back? Or I’d start to doubt myself. “Maybe I am doing something wrong.” I must be. Especially when most of the Spiritual books suggested it? From Esther Hicks to Gabby Bernstein, everyone touted the importance of asking for a sign.
What they failed to mention or I failed to grasp is that the signs are always there. They never go anywhere. And when they never go anywhere, how can they suddenly appear when we ask for them?
I believe by asking for a specific sign, I wanted to control the narrative. I wasn’t leaving any room for magic and surprise. It’s like my dog, Cleo is often so focused on pulling on my dress that he doesn’t even notice that I have sliced up Hot Dog (his favorite treat) in my hand. It’s only when he gets still and lets go, he is able to see it.
When I said “If I am supposed to do this then show me a woodpecker”, what I am saying is that I want certainty and control over this situation. Because, I don’t trust The Universe that something better may be available for me. My ego so badly wants that thing so I force myself to see the sign I want to see and not the sign that is there.
The more I didn’t get the thing I wanted whether I saw the sign or not, the more my ego wanted to force it. I said “Universe if you love me show me a woodpecker RIGHT NOW!”
The more I did this, the further away it took me from my Divinity, from my own magic.
Coercion and Control does not work with Higher Intelligence. There’s no room for it. The Ego has no place in The Quantum Field. This has been the hardest yet the most important lesson I’ve learned over the years.
In hindsight, this was the lesson The Universe has been trying to teach me for a long time.
Around 3 years ago me and my husband started house hunting. Buying a house was my ultimate dream. We were ready to start making memories in our own home.
Real Estate where we live is downright cray-cray because of the proximity to New York City and good school districts. There are legit bidding wars with each bid exceeding hundreds and thousands of dollars above asking price. Houses don't last more than 2-3 days. Some get bought ‘all cash’ even before it has come on the market.
We were very clear on one thing. We weren't going to get in a bidding war and pay crazy amounts just because we wanted to win! We didn't have crazy amounts of cash.
So we lost bid after bid after bid. Every loss felt like a heartache. But one in particular was very disappointing. This was early on in my metaphysical, spiritual journey. I had learnt a very white washed version of manifestation.
“Ask for a sign” literally every book and every manifestation guru said. So I did.
Right before we went for an Open House, I said to The Universe “my sign is an owl. If I see it in the house, it will be ours.”
We went to the Open House. I loved the house. My husband loved the house. This itself was strange because it seemed like this house hunting was testing my marriage. We couldn’t agree on anything! We fought so much.
But this house? Both of us loved it. I could see us living there. It was beautiful.
Not a single owl artifact or picture there though. Nothing even remotely resembling an owl! I looked and I looked. I went from room to room, checking every bathroom. Even opened the closets. It just wasn’t there. Just as we were about to exit the house out of the blue my older son started talking about Owls! I don't know what got into him. I was shocked! I had not shared my sign with anyone. And here he was, rambling about types of Owls and their habitat.
I took that as my sign! Happy and elated, I thanked The Universe. We bid on it and strangely enough our bid was accepted. More elation!
We were just about to pop the champagne when we heard that the seller wanted to negotiate. They wanted to go 30k over the asking price. My Husband didn't like that. We stood our ground . And soon things went south. Another family stepped in happily willing to pay an extra 30K and we lost the house. I was angry. Angry at my husband, angry and confused at the Universe. After all, I did see my feakin’ sign!!
I was so frustrated. Little did I know at that time that I was doing the opposite of how manifestation works! I was controlling the outcome. My ego so badly wanted to see the sign. I made myself see the sign, even when the house was not meant to be.
After months of losing a ton of other bids including the house we currently live in, we decided to halt our home search.
We said “If a house we like comes on the market, we'll look but let's stop obsessing over it.”
We made a wish list of all the things we wanted in our home, stuck it on the refrigerator and said “it's gonna happen when it's meant to be”
That very weekend we got a call from our real estate agent that one of the houses we had lost the bid on was back on the market. The sale fell through. Sellers were desperate to sell because they had already bought a new house and no one wants to pay two mortgages in a state like New Jersey.
They also didn't want to go through the whole pain of Open Houses and private showings etc. So they presented the house to us on a silver platter. At the asking price.
Well, long story short. I am sitting in that house right now. We've been here 2 years and everyday I am in love with my space.
Now only did it hit everything on the little checklist that we stuck on the fridge. But, our home looks eerily similar to the one I had on my Vision Board for years. Down to the rooms!
But this is where it gets very interesting. Months before we bought this house, right around the time we had lost the bid on the other house, I had spoken with my psychic medium.
She had said “Look for the white flowers” and “there’ll be something that will remind you of your mom in the house.
Well, there were no white flowers at the Open House, the one and only time we had been in the house. But that was winter.
When we went to visit the house the second time after we got that call, it was April. There was only one kind of flower right outside the front door. The most beautiful white flowers I had ever seen.
Inside the house, my eye went on a torn label lying on the kitchen counter. Maybe from a book or something with a name. “Meenakshi”
The only person in the world who used to call me by that name was my mom.
I could not have forced these signs even if I wanted to.
When I let go of the control, when I completely surrendered, The Universe showed me it's magic. In a much better way than I could have ever imagined. Never in a million years could I have tried to conjure up how everything turned out.
And the signs? They were always there. All I had to do was trust. It took me a few more years to understand this, ofcourse.
But now I do. And, when I forget and I often forget, The Universe reminds me one way or another. The less I try to control, the less the Universe has to intervene to teach me the lessons.
Our ego will always get in the way. We will see what we only want to see. But when you remove that blindfold, the perfect path to what you desire will be lit up with neon signs. There's no way you can ignore it. All you have to do is trust and take the very next step.